Old friends on my mind

I feel like I don't have many CLOSE friends. And when I write 'CLOSE', I mean 'CLOSE'.. ya know? I'm on facebook and an old friend of mine found me on there. I high school there were 3 of us. "N", "S", and me... we came up to college together, lived together, and partied together. We had crazy times and even crazier times. Things went sour with N when we thought she was into drugs and anorexia. S really made it hard on her and was down right mean to N. I didn't say much about it all besides that fact that if she was on drugs and not eating that needed to stop. So need less to say we stopped talking to N and N moved out of the apt that her and S were living in.

After N was gone S and I became closer friends for the next 2 years. Both doing crazy things, but then I met a boy (my darling husband) and I sort of calmed down. She had a boy and they got engaged, but then she started cheating on him and then rotating the boys every other weekend. Now that's CRAZY. One night me and S had a awful falling out, a physical fighting one. It was bad and it all started with a shove and an attempted slap. Well S moved out of our condo right away and I never spoke to her again.

I like to blame all of this on just being young, stupid, and intoxicated most of the time.

Well N was the one that found me on facebook, I was excited to see that she was doing well. So I sent her a message and asked her how she was. I have yet to get a response to that message..........

It got me thinking that our lives have changed SO much and that we've grown up and how stupid it is that S and I refuse to talk to one another and it's been 3 years since the 'fight incident'. So I sent her a message on facebook even though we're not friends on it. And I still haven't heard back, it's been 2 days now....

It was so hard to let go of S and I's friendship. I missed it so much. We did so much together and experienced a lot together it was just weird not having her around. She was suppose to be my Maid of Honor at my wedding and I hers, but obviously she wasn't mine and I don't plan on being hers. I really had a hard time forgiving her and myself for that night. It wasn't until recently when I gave it all to God to heal and forgave her.

So for the past two days I have been thinking about whether or not they've written me back. It doesn't consume my day, but when I'm at work I check my email at least 4 times a day to see if I've gotten any 'happenings' on facebook.

My hubby said he's proud of me for writing the message to S. It actually made me feel a little better. At least I'll know for sure if she never wants to talk to me again. And as for N, she friended me and she can't respond to a message... wtf?

I guess only time will tell. Every thing happens for a reason, right God? He's got the game plan and we're all just the players.